Me being Random yay
by Koyakku
Summary: Fixed things. Probably not as much as I should have. ah well. . .
1. Stupid is fun So nya

Disclaimer: Not mine (blah): Legato, Knives, Midvalley, Wild Arms, Instant Plot Devices, Wild Arms 2nd Ignition, Yu Yu Hakusho, Trigun, Jesse, Zack, Black, the NFL playoffs, "The Man Show", Yoshi, Need For Speed, X-Men, or Rubber duckies! I wish I owned those things, but I don't. So bugger off and don't sue.  
  
PART ONE: STUPIDITY IS FUN!  
  
[ADHQ: Game room]  
  
Zith: *staring at Molly while she is playing Wild Arms* Are you there now? Molly: No. Zith: Oh. *pauses* How 'bout now? Molly: NO. Zith: Now? Molly: _NO_. Zith:...........................................Now? Molly: FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT AT THE TOP OF THE EPITAPH SEA WINDS TOWER! Zith: You didn't have to yell. Molly: I know. ^_^ I'm almost there, just have to climb this ladder and get through the last room. Have a little patience, will ya? Zith: *sigh* Through the magic of video games, I will at least be able to see one version of my beloved Boomerang . . . *The _REAL_ Boomerang falls in, thanks to an Instant Plot Device (TM Chibi- Chan)* Boomerang:.....ow . . . Molly: *Totally oblivious to what's happening* Zith, it's not magic, it's _ELECTRONICS_. Zith: O_o Boomerang: ......where am I? Zith: *Realizing this is _not_ a dream* B-Boomer-chan?!? Boomerang: Oh, hi! Molly: *!!* Wha? * looks at Boomerang* Hey, how'd you get here? Boomerang: Uh . . . *Gavin's voice is heard* Gavin: Kristen, FOR THE LOVE OF . . . WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HAIR!?!? Kristen:*runs into video game room* HIIIIDEEE MEEEEEE! Molly, Boomerang, and Zith: *sweatdrop* Kristen: meep . . . *hides behind Molly just as Gavin walks in* Gavin: *now with silver hair* This stuff had better come out! Kristen: *peeks out from behind Molly's back* Dude, please don't kill me for saying this, but . . . It's, uh, kind of, um . . . Molly: Permanent? *Kristen nods* heh . . . Gavin: ...Zith? *looks around when Zith doesn't answer* Zith? Z-chan? Hey, where'd she go? Molly: In case you hadn't noticed, Boomerang was here too. Gavin: But isn't he dead? Molly: Apparently not. Kristen, please tell me WHY you were trying to . . . *notices Gavin's haircut, clothes, and the fact he is carrying three guns* . . . turn Gav-kun into a certain psychopathic Cocytus member? You forgot the glasses, by the way. Kristen: I know. He wouldn't stay still long enough for me to put them on him. Molly: Oh. But, why try in the first place? Kristen: I thought he would make a good Judecca-sama . . . *Karasu walks in* Karasu:....Gavin, the NFL playoffs are on. Molly: He's busy. Go away. Karasu: Oh, alright. Tell him I'll tell him who wins. Molly: Will do. Gavin: KARASU! SAVE ME FROM THE ETERNAL HORROR THAT IS THE FANGIRL! Karasu:....when did Judecca get here, why hasn't he tried to kill you two yet, and how does he know my name? Kristen: Never you mind. Go away, or we'll throw Jusenkyou spring water on you, Dodo. Karasu: I resent that. *walks away* Gavin: NOOOOO! SAAAAAVVEEEE MEEEEEEE! *gets glasses put on him by Kristen* Kristen: There! *glomps him* You're perfect! ^_^ Molly: *ahem* Off. _NOW_. Kristen: *pout* You're no fun. _______________________________________________________________________ Zith: *over the loudspeaker system she just installed* BEEEEEEEEP. This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. If this had been an actual emergency, I really wouldn't have time to address the problem, because I would probably be running around screaming. That is how you know it's a real emergency, because I usually don't scream. In fact, I'm just doing this to annoy you. This has been a test of your patience. Thank you. BEEEEEEEEP. Boomerang: Won't they get angry at you? Zith: Naw, they probably weren't even listening. Boomerang: Oh. Did you turn it off after you finished? Zith: Of course I did! Boomerang: Then why are we echoing? Zith:..........*click* _______________________________________________________________________ All: *sweatdrop* Gavin: That . . . was weird. Molly: Knowing this place, it's gonna get a lot weirder . . . _______________________________________________________________________ *click* *sounds of a battle are heard. Occasional shouts of various fire related spells such as "Flare Arrow!" and "Fireball!" are also heard, followed by explosions. When all of that finally calms down, Karasu's voice is heard. * Karasu: That'll teach them to interrupt the NFL playoffs . . . Idiot Metal Demons . . *click* _______________________________________________________________________ Molly: See? I told you . . . Gavin: ...Hey, where's the fangirl? *both look around. Kristen is nowhere to be seen* Gavin: At the rate people are disappearing, I'll be the only one left! Molly: Don't say that! I don't want to disappear! *Kristen is heard laughing at something* Oh good, I won't have to! Gavin: I wonder what she did this time . . . *leaves the room to check while Molly isn't looking* Molly: *looks around* Hey! Don't leave meeeeeee! *runs out of the room*  
  
[ADHQ: Control room] Kristen: *is talking to someone on the view screen* So why don't you come over here? Jesse: Well, even talking to you is cutting into my training... Zack: Jesse, come look at this! Jesse: Zack, are you watching "The Man Show" again? Because if you are, I really, _really_ do not want to see . . . Zack: Fine then. *returns to the television* Kristen: Training? Jesse: Yeah, Yoshi is teaching me how to be a swordsman. Yoshi: *from the Training room* Jesse! Come on and finish talking so we can continue your training! Kristen: Why don't you bring him too, and train here? Jesse: I don't think that you have all the equipment we need. Kristen: *crosses arms* Try me. Jesse: Alright. Um, how about a sophisticated hologram projector? Kristen: A so-what-icated what projector? Ask Z-chan, she knows about that kind of stuff. Jesse: So you don't have it? Kristen: I dunno. Zith's probably built one if anyone else has heard of it, tho'. Jesse: Oh. Alright, do you have a teleporter compatible with the latest version of the Tele-matic corporation's line? Kristen: Zith's teleporter is compatible with anything. She's got the most advanced materials around. Jesse: Do you have a danger room in there anywhere? Kristen: *heavily sarcastic* No, Jesse, none of us watches X-Men, so we have no idea what a danger room is. Jesse: You don't have a danger room? Kristen: *slaps forehead* Five . . . four . . . three . . . two . . . one . . . *exhales slowly* OF COURSE WE HAVE A DANGER ROOM, BAKA! Jesse: Looks like it didn't work . . . Kristen: *Muttering * idiot . . . *Gavin and Molly walk in* Molly: *grumbles* Not him again . . . Jesse: Hey! I heard that! Molly: *evil grin* Would've been wasted if you hadn't, kid. Jesse: I think I see why Black is afraid of you . . . Kristen: Whatever. Ask me another one. Jesse: Ummm, do you have a. . . . Rubber ducky? Kristen: Only if it's not going to be used as a striking target. Jesse: ...Crap. Well, that's all we need. Gavin: Need for what? Kristen: Need for SPEED! ^__^ Molly: Riiiight . . . Jesse: *to Gavin* Need for training. Gavin: Oh.  
  
[ADHQ: Hallway] *Someone's voice is heard just outside of the control room. They are yelling and are obviously extremely angry at whatever they are yelling at. A different voice is heard speaking much more quietly, and seems to be trying to calm the other down. * Voice #one: ALRIGHT, YOU STUPID MACHINE! ARE YOU GOING TO LET ME IN THERE OR NOT!?!? Voice #two: Legato, calm down. It's not like the machine's doing this on purpose. It's just that we don't know the password. Legato: Yes, Master. But still . . . Voice #two: It doesn't matter, anyway. We'll try again later, when we have a better understanding of this . . . fangirl's . . . mind. Legato: Yes, Knives-sama.  
  
[ADHQ: Control room] Jesse: How did they get there? Kristen: Oopsie, I must have "forgot" to send them back after I got slammed into the wall . . . for the fifth time . . . today . . . Molly: Wait a minute, wasn't Midvalley here too? *All sit and think about that for a while. In that span of time, Midvalley sneaks up on Kristen and covers her mouth with his hand. (Author's note: How did he get in? WHO CARES?! LOGIC MEANS NOTHING! NOTHING!)* Kristen: *eyes get wider* MMFFFF! O_o Molly: Kristen, be quiet! We're thinking! *Midvalley rolls his eyes as he drags Kristen out the door and into the hall* Kristen: MMMMMFFFFFFFFF! MMMFF MM MMFFFFFF - *Midvalley thwaps her* Midvalley: *quietly* Shut up! *Kristen bites his hand* OWWWWW! Stupid fangirl! Kristen: *thinking* God, doesn't he ever wash his hands?! Ewewewewewewewew! *new train of thought* What does he want with me? Just because I run this place doesn't mean that I know how to work anything! Z-chan knows about that stuff! I'm just making this up! I really don't know how to operate the teleporter! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!  
  
End part one  
  
Soooo... Didja like it? It only gets stupider, believe me. I should know, I wrote it. So, now is the time you go down there to that little box down there that says "Submit review"... Good! Now click! 


	2. Plot? Who needs a plot?

Disclaimer: Not mine: Legato, Midvalley, Knives, Cat Fancy, Trigun, Deadly Dodgeball head, Cowboy Bebop, Blue (daba dee daba di), any references made to FFVIII or FFVII, "I Am The Walrus", The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Wild Arms 2nd Ignition, McDonald's, Burger King, Barbie, Ken, Pixie Stix, or Kuroneko. If I missed anything, please tell me.  
  
PART TWO: THE FINDING OF THE PLOT . . . OR NOT. *Kristen is tied to a chair in the middle of a completely white room. Elaborate straps and buckles are holding her in place and her head is held in place looking forward. She is laughing uncontrollably. The view shifts to in front of her, where we see the beginning of episode 12 of Trigun. * Midvalley: Have you had enough, or are you still not talking? Kristen: *gasping* Can't . . . talk! Laughing . . . too hard . . . deadly . . . dodge ball head! *breaks into another bout of hysterical laughter* Midvalley: Well, you'll talk soon enough . . . *walks out of the room* Kristen: *instantly serious* Ha! He thinks I still find that funny after reviewing it about 200 times in the last hour? The fool! I was only using that time to escape! *stands up, completely free of all the straps* Hwahahahahahah! It'll take more than that to stop the Great Catgirl Houdini! *rushes out of the room*  
  
[Secret Basement of the ADHQ] Legato: Master, our prisoner has escaped. Knives: *looks up from his magazine* Well then go catch her! I have better things to do then associate with you humans. Legato: Master, our prisoner was no human. I have never seen a human with cat ears and a tail. Knives: *annoyed* I was talking about you. Go away. Legato: Right away, master. *exits room* Knives: I need to find a more competent servant . . .  
  
[ADHQ: Living room] *Scene: Kristen is curled up in her little alcove near the ceiling. Her kitty, Faye, is snuggled next to her in a postcard-perfect position. They are both sleeping peacefully when Legato storms in and grabs Kristen, unsettling Faye. * Faye: MROOOWER! *hisses and does a Scratch Attack (tm) on Legato* Legato: Owwwwwwww! Stupid cat . . . Kristen: BAKAAAAAAAA! *hisses and does a Bite Attack (tm) on Legato* Legato: Owwwwwwww! Stupid catgirl . . . *clonks Kristen on the head, knocking her out* Take that! *triumphant smile* Faye: *enraged at the fact that "her" person has been hurt* MRRRROOOOWWER! *does another, more painful Scratch Attack (tm) on Legato* Nya! Legato: You know what, cat? Faye: Mya? Legato: I hate you. *drags Kristen out of the room* Faye: Nyoia! *curls back up and goes back to sleep*  
  
[Regular Basement of the ADHQ] Legato: *thinking* I have got to do something . . . I'm so depressed . . . I know! *singing out loud*I'm blue da ba dee . . . huh? Kristen: *wakes up* Oro? *looks at Legato* Did you just have a mental breakdown or something? Because I could have sworn I heard you singing . . . Legato: *blushes* Oh! I, ah, er, um, n-no! I wasn't singing! I-it was, uh, *looks around* The wall! Right, the wall! *nodnod* Kristen: Riiiight . . . Legato, have you ever considered getting psychiatric help? Legato: *evil glare* Oh shut up! *clonks her again* Kristen: I see . . . A light! Gavin, is that you? Give me back my flashlight! *is now unconscious* Legato: How did someone like her get to be the leader of this place?  
  
[Secret Basement of the ADHQ] Knives: *reading a magazine* Hm, that's a nice one . . . Shiny coat . . . Long legs . . . Perfect colors . . . Green eyes . . . Really big green eyes . . . Maybe too big . . . No, I don't really like that one. Maybe this one . . . Big fangs?! That would help a lot in my "plans" . . . *Legato stomps in, looking ticked off, but instantly looks happier when he sees the magazine Knives is reading* Legato: Master, may I see? Knives: Eh? Yeah, just don't get in my line of vision. Legato: Thank you, Master. Knives: Whatever. *Legato walks over and sits down next to Knives, leaning over his shoulder to read the magazine but being careful not to touch him. This continues until both of their eyes go wide.* Knives: Eww, that one's ugly! Legato: Right, Master. Knives: Legato, do you agree with every thing I say? Legato: Yes, Master. Of course a lowly human such as myself should agree with everything a superior being such as you says. Knives: Oh. So if I said you were an idiot that doesn't deserve to even be in my services, you would . . . Legato: Agree, of course. That is what I myself had been thinking recently, Master. Knives: *looks at Legato oddly* Really? Tell me, Legato, do you have any ego whatsoever? Legato: Do you want me to have an ego, Master? Knives: Tell me if you do. I want you to tell me the truth. Legato: The truth is whatever you say, Master. Knives: No, I mean your individual opinion. Legato: Whatever you say it is, Master. Knives: No, I mean what you think. Legato: I think whatever you want me to think. Knives: Stop saying that. Legato: Yes, Master. Knives: WOULD YOU STOP IT ALREADY?! Legato: Yes, Master. Knives: STOP THAT! Legato: Yes, Knives-sama. Knives: *twitch* Kristen: *wakes up* Oro? The last thing I remember is Legato singing . . . and Gavin stealing my flashlight. *looks over to where Legato and Knives have gone back to reading their magazine* Oh, so that's what happened. Legato hit me so hard that now I'm hallucinating that he and Knives are reading "Cat Fancy." Pretty soon the little lizards in string bikinis are going to come back. Knives: Ooh! Legato, look at this article! Legato: "Massage in five minutes?" Maybe _we_ should try that, Master. Kristen: Odd, my hallucinations usually don't have sound . . .  
  
[Zith's Not-So Secret Laboratory] *Molly walks in followed by Gavin. They are both looking sufficiently ticked off.* Molly: I swear, when I find her . . . *makes cutting motion across throat* Gavin: Boo-ya, you are REALLY overreacting here. Molly: I don't care! And don't call me Boo-ya. Gavin: Would you rather I called you Booyaka-chan? Molly: _NO_. Gavin: *disappointed* Oh. Well, aren't we supposed to be looking for Zith? Molly: Actually, it really doesn't matter. We really don't exist, so what we do has no effect on the real world. Gavin: Wha? Molly: Temporal reverse engineering. Gavin: *blank look* Oro? Molly: WHO TOLD YOU? Gavin: Wha? Are you okay? *Zith walks in* Zith: The monkey by the ice cream stand! Molly: And I'll bet that the walrus told you about the cornflakes! Zith: Yes, he did! Molly: And the penguins? Zith: Elementary penguins singing Hare Krishna, man you shoulda seen them kicking Edgar Alan Poe! Molly: Were you sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come? Zith: Off course! Molly: But are the Awkward Rush & Mission Savers really just terrorists with legal backing? Zith: Only Ashley. The others are just following a weird plan set up by Vinny. Molly: Ah. *starts humming "I Am the Walrus"* Zith: o~/ I am the egg man/ They are the egg man/ I am the walrus! / Goo goo ga' joob! /~o Gavin: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?! Molly: We're being random. Duh. Gavin: Oh. Sorry, carry on. Zith: So, the aliens really did make McDonald's french fries crunchier? Molly: Well, the cat aliens went to McDonalds. The other aliens went to Burger King because they aren't as smart. Zith: Oh, I get it now! Molly: Really? Zith: Yes! It says . . . If you take calcium before bed, the absorption is best. No one fusses like Lizard. Molly: Wow! I was almost enlightened just imagining it! Gavin: Alright, this is just getting stupid. Zith: So what happened again? Molly: I gave him a nosebleed, but no 'friendship' developed. My calculations show something vital missing? Could it be 'poetry?' Zith: It must be, or else the ship wouldn't be able to fly right. Molly: Ah, I see. Gavin: *giving up* If we have any behavior that heats things up in the living room, I can't help but drag irons. It shines! It spins! It makes noise! Release it for the Beam Gun to scatter bullets. A shocking scene might play itself out right before us. *silence* What? Zith: No fair. That was weirder than anything I've came up with. I'm jealous. Molly: He direct quoted Liz. It doesn't count. Zith: Oh well. What did you come here for, any ways? Molly: Erm . . . I forgot. Zith: Oh. Did it have anything to do with the fact that Kristen is missing? Molly: Yeah, that was it. *beat* Hey, how did you know? Zith: *Grin* Surveillance cameras. Molly: When did you install those? Zith: Same day I installed the PA. Molly: Oh . . . So what's she doing now? Zith: I don't know. Molly: But you installed the cameras! Zith: I never said they were on, I just said they were installed. Gavin: So you don't know where she is? Zith: I never said that, either. I just said I didn't know what she was doing. Gavin: Stop being so confusing! Zith: I can't help it. Gavin: What do you mean, "You can't help it?!"? Molly: *Evil grin* Temporal Reverse Enginee- Gavin: STOP TALKING ABOUT TEMPORARY REVERSE BLOODY WHAT-SITING ALREADY! Zith: It's called Temporal Reverse Engineering. Gavin: AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!? Zith: No clue. But it's interfering with the metal in my body. Molly: Mmkay... can you just show us where Kristen is already? Zith: Oh, is that what you wanted? Molly and Gavin: YES! Zith: Ah . . . *walks over to a huge wall covered with television screens* Molly: How did we not notice that before? Gavin: *shrugs* Plot hole? Zith: Do you want to know where she is or not? Molly: Yes, we do. Zith: Are you sure? I don't think you'd like it . . . Molly: We're sure. Zith: Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you. *Presses button labeled "^_^ 42"* *Camera shifts to the third screen from the right, where you see a room that seems to have anime themed wallpaper. On closer inspection, it's revealed to be many different pictures of anime and video game characters taped to the wall. Any ways, the ADHQ's resident weirdo fangirl is sitting in the middle of said room, playing with two Barbie dolls. Actually, it's a Barbie and a Ken. The Ken doll has the top of his head painted blue, and is wearing a mini Legato-style coat, spikes and all. The Barbie has a yellow piece of yarn sticking out of the back of her pants, and two felt triangles stuck in her hair. Kristen is happily talking in cute little voices, moving the dolls around as she does so. The basic plot, as far as the observers can tell, is that Barbie is attempting to glomp Ken, and Ken is refusing to cooperate. Kristen moves the Ken doll particularly violently, and the Barbie goes flying across the room. * *Back to the Lab* Molly: Dude . . . that was messed up. Zith: It's not over yet. *Camera shifts back to the screen. Kristen reaches up to the top of her dresser and picks out a Knives action figure. Knives stands in front of Ken, and is clearly angry with him. Ken walks away. Knives rushes over to where Barbie landed, then helps her up. Barbie glomps him. Through all of this, Kristen is happily moving the dolls around, talking in cute little voices. * *In the Lab* Molly: Alright, she is officially scaring me now. Gavin: That scares me, and I hang out with Karasu. Zith: I told you you didn't want to know.  
  
Molly: Well, at least we know where she is. Gavin: Yeah . . . Let's go! Molly: Right! Bye, Zith! Have fun doing . . . whatever it is you do down here! Zith: Huh? Oh . . . Right! See ya later . . . maybe . . . probably not, though. *As the two humans and the Demon are talking, Kristen's extremely short attention span runs out. She puts down the Barbies and sets the Knives action figure back on the dresser. She then gets up and walks out of the room, heading towards the kitchen and the All-Mighty Sugar Demi God.*  
  
[ADHQ: Kitchen] *Kristen is seen going crazy looking through the cupboards for her secret stash of Pixie Stix. As she can't seem to find them, the kitchen is getting torn apart.* Kristen: Nooo! My Pixie Stix! WHY MUST THE WORLD BE SO CRUUUEL? WHYYYYYY? *sob* *The camera shifts to the table next to her. The Pixie Stix are sitting on it. * Kristen: Where are they? Over here? *runs to a nearby cupboard and starts throwing things out of it* Over here? *Runs to the refrigerator. Items seen flying past the camera include a package of hotdogs, a carton of eggs, ketchup, and Kuroneko.* Kristen: No . . . No . . . No . . . Waitaminute! Kuroneko? *Looks over to where Kuroneko landed. The cat is sitting there, licking its leg.* Kuroneko: *looks up* Nya. Kristen: Oookay . . . *goes back to searching the refrigerator for her Pixie Stix* Kuroneko: Nya. *goes back to licking its leg* *Legato walks into the room, only to get hit in the face with another package of hot dogs. He looks at the hot dogs, then at the sugar-crazed fangirl. He sighs and picks up the hot dogs, walking toward the microwave. He never gets there, however, as said crazed fangirl runs up to him and glares.* Kristen: WHERE ARE MY PIXIE STIX?! I KNOW YOU KNOW WHERE THEY ARE!! Legato: *glances to the table the sugar tubes are sitting on* No, I don't know where they are. Go away and leave me alone. Kristen: But I'm not hyper enough yet! Legato: Yes, you are. Kristen: Am not! Legato: Are. Kristen: Not! Legato: Listen, if I tell you where they are, will you leave me alone for the rest of the day? Kristen: Hmm . . . Maybe. Maybe not. Legato: Leave me alone and I'll tell you. Kristen: *thinks* Okay. Deal. Legato: Good girl. They're sitting on the table right next to you. *Kristen turns and sees the Pixie Stix. She quickly grabs them and runs off somewhere to eat them and be hyper. * Legato: Sometimes I don't understand that demon . . .  
  
End Part Two  
  
Yay! Chapter Two is here! Of course, you already know that, so... just go and review already. I'm outta funny stuff to say. 


	3. Whee short chapter

Disclaimer: Okay, I think you get the point. If you recognize it, it's not mine. I would like to apologize for the short chapter, it's only because I want to make the next one non-script form.  
  
PART THREE: IS THIS ACTUALLY GETTING ANYWHERE?  
  
[ADHQ: Living room] *The scene is a festive one, with lights, garlands, and a tree. Kristen is under the tree, picking up presents with her name on them and shaking them. Molly is standing under the mistletoe, waiting impatiently for Gavin, who is hanging out at the opposite side of the room under the mistletoe by that doorway. Knives is out shopping, since this is his first Christmas at the ADHQ and he didn't know enough to buy them in July. Legato and Midvalley are, of course, with their Master. Zith is happily making gifts in her lab, which are usually of equal or better quality than those she could have bought at the store. * Kristen: *picks up a small rectangular box and shakes it* Box: *rattle* Molly: *stares at Gavin* Gavin: *stares at Molly* Molly: *stares* Gavin: *stares* Kristen: *shakes box* Box: *silence* Kristen: *confused look* Molly: *stares* Gavin: *stares* Kristen: *shakes same box again* Box: *silence* Kristen: . . . *stares at box* Box: *sits there all boxy-like* Molly: *stares* Gavin: *stares* Kristen: *stares* Box: *continues to sit there* Molly: *stares* Gavin: *stares* Kristen: *stares* Box: *getting tired of all this sitting and staring* o/~Hello, my baby/ Hello, my honey/ Hello my rag-time gal! ~/o *takes out little top hat and cane and starts dancing around* o/~ Give me a kiss by wire/ Baby, my heart's on fire! / If you refuse me/ Honey you'll lose me/ Don't leave me all alone~/o *stops singing, and puts little top hat and cane away when Molly looks at it* Molly: Kristen, was that you? Kristen: *open-mouthed* No . . . It was the box. . . . Molly: Nice try, kid. *goes back to staring at Gavin* Gavin: *stare* Molly: *stare* Box: *stare* Kristen: O_o;;; *stare*  
  
[In the real world (Gym class) ]  
  
Kristen: Wheeee! *Hits volleyball* Jill: Wow, good one! Now it's MY turn! *Hits volleyball really hard* Volleyball: Bwang! *rebounds off wall and bounces into path of other people playing volleyball* Jill: That was yours. Kristen: Aw, man... Jill: Go get it! Kristen: *sigh* All right, all right... *runs into path of many flying volleyballs to retrieve hers, enters slow-motion mode* Kristen: *running very, very slowly* Stttuuupiiiiidd baaaaallllll... Branden: *spikes ball* Krrrriiiisssteeeen, LOOOOOK OOOOUUUT! Kristen: Huuuuhhhh? *slowly turns head, getting a very hard volleyball in the face* *Thump* Jill: *exiting slow-motion* Kristen! Are you alright?! Mr. S: Geez, why'd you do that? Kristen: I'll tell you as soon as your twin brother leaves... I don't like the way he's looking at me. Mr. S: O...kay, don't do that again. From now on if the ball goes over there, just tell me and I'LL get it. Kristen: Hey! Mr. S, can your twin teleport? Jill: Are you sure you're okay? Kristen: When did I ever say I was okay, Jill and Jill's twin? Branden: Oops... sorry! ^^;  
  
[ADHQ: Living Room] *Things are completely wrecked. The tree has fallen over, leaving a very poked-feeling Kristen sitting there and blinking. Molly is now wearing, much to her surprise, a Mexican dress and a very... fruity hat on her head. Gavin has been suddenly teleported into a big... fluffy... sparkly... pink... ballet dress. (I am soooo evil.)* Gavin: WHAT AM I WEARING?!?!?!!??! Molly: It seems to be a big... fluffy... sparkly... pink... ballet dress. *snicker* Pink's a good color on you, Gav-kun. Gavin: Oh, shut up. Hey, this chapter is almost over, isn't it? Molly: Yup, Kristen wants to satisfy her non-existant readers. Kristen: I wanna get to the next chapter before my idea runs out! This one's going to be in REAL story format! Gavin: Right. So, how long am I gonna be in this... thing? Kristen: Until at least halfway through the next chappie, Gavin. I love torturing you. Molly: I need to get my camera. Wait here, Gavin-Chan!  
  
End Part Three  
  
Sooo... Hello, Non-Existant Readers! I would like to say that you'd better bacome existant really quick, because my ego is currently on life support in the nearest hospital. So review. I WANT TO KNOW YOU EXIST! 


	4. Not what it really is

Disclaimer: I do not own: Trigun, Yu Yu Hakusho, NFL, Lita Akira, Ruroni Kenshin, or Canada. sigh  
  
PART FOUR: KITTY RIVALRY!  
  
The ADHQ is currently a peaceful place, with all the various humans, demons, and plants getting along rather nicely. Kristen's three cats are not at each other's throats, Knives has calmed down a bit after going insane and trying to blow up the ADHQ, Karasu is sulking because he missed the NFL Playoffs and didn't get to help Knives blow up the ADHQ, and Gavin is still in the ballet dress. Hee hee. Well, anyway, it was not always like this. Oh no. A few days ago, the ADHQ was complete chaos. You see, that was when Kristen had gotten her third cat. Being the common-sense lacking catgirl that she is, she decided to introduce her new friend, dubbed Lita Akira, to her old friends, Faye-Chan and Kuronekosama, immediately. As in, as soon as she came home from the animal shelter, she called her other kitties and placed Lita Akira on the floor to meet them. Needless to say, Faye-Chan instantly disliked Lita Akira and claimed her complete superiority over the poor kitten. Kuronekosama, cute lil' black cat, blinked cutely at Lita Akira and then went off to cutely play with her cute lil' mousie and cute lil' scratching post.  
  
Did I mention she was cute? Yeah, I thought I did.  
  
Anyway, Lita Akira was not intimidated by Faye-Chan. She had met up with her kind in the shelter before. Faye would eventually learn to like her, and they would all be one big, happy family.  
  
Yeah right. Since when has anything planned in the ADHQ gone well? Lita is one delusional kitten.  
  
So, like I said, Kristen had gotten Lita Akira from the animal shelter earlier that day. She had picked Lita from a group of kittens that had just come in. And believe me, if she had the money, she would've taken them all. But, as usual, she was almost broke. Go figure. So, using the last of her cash reserves, she adopted a small grey-furred green eyed kitten. Coming up with a name had been the hard bit. The young catgirl had gone through dozens of names, finally settling on two. Lita, she had gotten from a Greek mythology book she had grabbed from the library one day, and Akira from an anime she had been meaning to watch. Combining the two in a satisfactory manner, she paid the shelter her last five dollars and went on her happy way with her new kitten.  
  
Faye was mad. Faye was so mad, she felt like swiping that fake grin off that tiny kitten's smarmy face. How could that idiot creature do this to her?! She was supposed to be her favorite. She had been the first, after all. Now the kitten was going to be taking all of that catgirl's time! Time that was supposed to be reserved for petting her, would go to feeding the kitten. Time that was supposed to be for playing Chase, would be spent coddling that tiny ball of fluff so it wouldn't try to run away the first time it went outside. This kitten was a complete waste of time! Faye sneered as the kitten was brought to her attention by the offending catgirl. It looked up at her with freakishly and hideously cute green eyes. Then it did the unthinkable. It mewed, a pleading mew, a mew that said, please be my friend. Please? Ugh. It made Faye shudder just to think about making an ally out of this invader. She sent a warning mrower back. It contained the message, never in a million years. This is war, cat.  
  
Kristen happily skipped into the kitchen. Grinning, she skipped to the refrigerator and opened it, hoping to find that ravioli she had made last night. As she opened the door, a faint growl came from inside. Once again displaying her utter lack of common sense, she ignored it and continued to open the door. Two seconds later, a large ravioli colored. . . THING flew out at her. "Ahhh! RAVIOLI ATTACK!!!" she screeched as the thing hit her in the face. Screaming and flailing her arms, she rushed out of the kitchen to try and get it off. Unfortunately, the thing covered her eyes, so as soon as she left the safety of the kitchen island and stepped into the open, a randomly materializing beam appeared directly in front of her. With a loud thud, she went down. Kenshin style, swirly eyes and all. Except you couldn't see the eyes. Desperate, she did the only thing she could thinkof: she bit it. With a horrible screaming noise, the creature detached itself from her face, dropping to the ground. It then crept squelchily into a remote corner, never to be seen again. Or at least for another few chapters.  
  
Kristen looked oddly at the ceiling. "How do you know, Mysterious Voice that sounds a lot like me?"  
  
Shush! You can't make comments like that and expect the fourth wall to survive!  
  
"Oro? That doesn't make any sense! Unless. . . You're one of the Evil Fungi from Outer Space! DIE, EFFOS!" Kristen launched herself at the ceiling, only to get a large, nasty crack about the head. Ow.  
  
"You know too much! DIE!" Launch. Thud.  
  
"How do you know what's happening to me?!" Launch. Grab onto ceiling fan.  
  
"Stop that!" Make swipe at ceiling, loose grip on fan, and fall to floor. Thud.  
  
"KNIVESUUUUU! Help me kill the EFFOS! They're taking over the world again!!!"  
  
Knives walked into the room, twirling his .45 black Colt revolver on his finger. Glancing up at the ceiling, he came to the one obvious conclusion: that the spiders were coming, and they were bringing grenades this time. His eyes grew wide and he shot the ceiling six times, reloaded, and shot it five more times. Seeing the spider revolution crushed under the mighty flaming boot of Injustice, he wandered out of the room to see if there were any other spider resistance factions he needed to eliminate. Or he could have just had to go to the bathroom, I don't know. I can't read his mind, and frankly, I don't want to.  
  
[Inside Knives's Mind] Many blobby red shapes floated past. Legato Bluesummers, wearing nothing but a towel, ran up to a random cow and tipped it over. He laughed maniacally, then ran off to. . . oh, wait. That's the authoress's mind.  
  
[Er, in Knives's Mind. . .] Many blobby red shapes floated past. Legato Bluesummers, wearing nothing but a towel, ran up to a random cow and tipped it over. He laughed maniacally, then ran off to find his hotdog, which had floated past an hour earlier on its way to Canada. He then bought a train ticket to Kiwiland, hoping to find his hotdog. The hotdog obviously wasn't there, as I just said it was in Canada, didn't I? Well, anyway, he went to Kiwiland and saw all the pretty Kiwis. Er, actually they're ugly, but. . . Wait, we've spent too much time in Knives's mind.  
  
Yes, it was shorrrrt! TT I'm sorrry! Anyway, thank you very much for reviewing, KuramaFreak! You are very appreciated, and stuff. And I hope I don't get eaten by your Hamsters of Doomism. . . Doomism. . . Meep. Dying probably hurts. So, Review! PLEEEEEAAASEEEE! 


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